In the flux...

So, this is what it feels like to grow up...or, at least, to get older. To be honest, any growth has felt stunted for weeks. As life is in a constant flux and change I am finding it more and more difficult to move as quickly as it does. Coming home for Christmas break has been relieving and also trivial. I find myself in a familiar place but lack the comfort I thought I would receive. I knew life would not pick up where I had left it, but I never dreamed it would have changed so much, me along-side it. In the jumble of moving to school, learning the ways of college life, and still finding time to breathe, I find I do not often recognize me.
When I left for school I knew I would return changed but, honestly, I thought it would feel so differently. Instead of becoming more caring, I have learned the deepest corners of selfishness. Where passion once stood, weariness now resides. Self-conciousness stands atop the confidence I possessed. Growth often first begins with breakage. A tender, painful tearing away of everything I have been so a new me can grow in its place. This is where the weak and the weary find God. This is where I will find Him; in new ways and places. Maybe this is where I will finally be able to let go, give in, and allow Him to transform me for His Kingdom.
A new beginning begins everyday.
And, despite the change, He remains constant.
Thank you, Jesus.