Week 8 - 10

I cannot believe we have come this far. The last three weeks I have spent 8 hours at D-groups and youth group and 14 hours this last weekend at an all-nighter and then 21/2 hours on Sunday for Sunday school, D-groups, and dinner with my leaders.
I don't want it to end. It finally hit me a few days ago that I will not BE here this summer. It's as if I thought I would not have to do school, but I would still be with the same people. But the reality is: I won't be. I have begun to wonder what in the world I will do with out these kids, these girls especially. All of the leaders have carved special place in my heart and the girls....I simply do not know what I will do without them. Their love for each other and their desire to spread the love of God has truly amazed me. I wonder who I think I am when I witness their innocence and their trials. This last weekend at the all-nighter......... God worked in ways i was not expecting. I sold Him short. I did not believe in His power. There were tons of games and laughter, but when we sat down for a short lesson given by a college student sharing her testimony it became silent. The next wo hours were filled with tears; tears from pain, tears from frustration, tears of compassion. Girls from all walks of life gathered, broke a barrier, and became the body of Christ. And the great thing? They didn't even know they were doing it. A couple weeks ago they began asking all these questions on evangelism during D-group time. The whole time they had the answers and they showed that on Friday night. I never thought I would have to listen to the stories I heard. They are 12, 13, 14 years old. They are still KIDS. "I want my childhood back" as one girl said. Two girls came to know the Lord in the next 6 hours, and one rededicated her life. God worked, and He worked well! One girl asked me the question I knew I was going to be asked one day and the question I knew I would never be able to answer: "If God loves me so much why I am going through all of this?" I pray my frustration with the evil and my answer of "I have no idea...but I know there is a God who loves you and does not cause it to happen..." showed a hint of my love and compassion for her. She came to know they Lord. I am buying her a Bible today. She has a most precious place in my heart. All of this was by God's power --> and we weren't even expecting it.
My heart is not sure what to feel, and my head not sure what to think. None of this is fair, none of it is right. These girls should have no idea what an unloving parent looks like. They should feel safe at home, not like it's the most unsafe place they have ever been. I wish these words could slightly portray where my heart is and how I'm feeling...they never will. Needless to say, God is doing huge work in my life right now. My complaints, my cares are nothing. God has a picture SO much bigger than I will ever seeand all I need to do is fall into His plan and allow Him to work.
IT IS NOT ABOUT ME.
Never become fooled into thinking it is. That is when every priority falls out of place. God is the I AM. We are not. I am not. I wonder where all of this will lead me...
Praise God today. Although we don't always feel Him or see Him working, He is. Even if it's at an all-nighter in a small city, in a youth building with 24 middle school girls.
He was there.